Catherine's Turn Out of Control
by hope4love
Summary: What happened after Catherine left Vincents at the end of Out of Control?
1. Chapter 1

I haven't written in … forever. I am finding myself with some spare time again and trying to use it for a more creative purpose. POV will switch around but I'll denote the change. Takes place after 'Out of Control'.

I own nothing!

(POV CC)

I wake up in a hospital bed. I do an inventory of my body. I start at my toes, and feel pain in my right ankle, my hips, my ribs, my chest, and my left shoulder. I started wracking my brain trying to remember what happened. How I got here.

I remember sitting on the floor out side that – cage Vincent had locked himself in.

I remember the sound of his voice, and the broken look on his face as he whispered "it's you". Suddenly the pain in my body intensifies.

I remember wanting to break down, but holding strong.

I remember Vincent turning back towards the wall looking away from me again.

I remember the pitiful look on JT's face when I glanced up at him.

I remember walking out of the apartment without another word spoken.

I remember getting to my car and speeding away, trying to out run the pain.

I remember the panic, the pain swelling up in my chest and overwhelming me. The pain in my body crests and threatens to pull me under again. I fight it, pushing the call button trying not to lose consciousness.

Nurses rush in fussing over me. I hear them asking me questions but I can't quite make out what they are saying. It feels like my chest is about to explode. I can't breathe. The trembling of my body causing shooting pains all over. I close my eyes and blackness surrounds me.

(POV CC)

When I open them again I'm turned on my right side, and groggy. I know where I am, I remember how I got here, why I lost control of the car. I gently roll onto my back trying to get more comfortable. I see Heather sitting in a chair to the left of my bed. She is fast asleep.

"Heather" I call testing to see if she'll stir. She doesn't as much as twitch. She's always been a heavy sleeper. I reach for the cell phone I see laying on the table, not quite sure I recognize it. I want to call Vincent. I want Vincent here. I dial his burner number, slightly surprised I remember it, and I hear someone pick up. I hear someone breathe. I don't hear anyone speak. I want to ask him to come to me. I want to tell him I need him. But nothing comes out. All I hear is JT's voice ringing in my head "you didn't think about how this would affect Vincent".

The symphony of breathing is interrupted by the muted noise of the hospital P.A system; someone paging a Dr. Nichols if I heard properly. I hear a gruff growled voice I memorized months ago bark out "Name".

I honestly don't know what the name of this hospital is, so I stay silent. I don't know how to tell him where I am and what I need so my tongue lays heavy and motionless in my mouth.

"20 min." is all I hear before the dial tone rings loudly in my ears. _Shit! What have I done? _

(POV VK)

When I hang up the phone I yell for JT. I know he's dead asleep. I know it will take him a few minutes to shake the sleep off and come out here.

She would have gone straight home. I could see in her face her unhappiness when she left. She wouldn't have gone anywhere but home.

What hospitals are between here and her home …..?

She usually takes 94 so there are only two places she could be Beth Israel or St. Lukes. I start calling those hospitals looking for her.

JT shuffles up to my gate and I motion to the lock. He looks incredulously at me and doesn't budge.

"I need Catherine Chandeliers' room number please." I listen to the women ask me what relation I am to her and a plethora of angst filled thoughts swarm my mind. What relation am I? Stalker, Savior, Pet … "Brother" I bark out. The look on JT's face intensifies. I hear him muttering something about this not being Kentucky last time he checked but I'm too focused on the women on the phone to process it. "Room 546" she says and I hang up as she offers to connect me.

JT has not unlocked anything yet and I know why. If Catherine wasn't in the hospital, I'd agree with him. "JT" is all I say before he unlocks the door and starts unwinding the chains.

"So what has the princess gotten her self into now?" JT asks, well more like grumbles. I know he's holding back, I know he wants to lecture me at the top of his voice about how dangerous this is, how selfish she's being – how whipped I am. But the look on my face must have been enough to stop him.

"I'm not sure. I got a call from an unknown number, I could hear her breathing. I heard doctors being paged. She wouldn't speak. I found her. She is at St. Lukes in the ICU. I don't know anything else." I was pacing. I could tell JT was almost done unwinding the chains, and this only increased my restlessness.

"You're going to a hospital? Not that it would stop Batman, but at the very least, visiting hours are over." JT mumbles as I push past him and run out the front door.

(POV VK)

I enter the hospital from the roof. I did my internship here. I know the halls, know the stairwells, and know the security guards routines. As I reach her room I pause. It's 1 AM. She should be asleep. I listen carefully. I hear two distinct patterns of steady deep breathing, and one short and shallow breath pattern. _Someone's awake._

Silently, and very Batman-esque I enter the room. I can't see her yet. The first bed has the curtain drawn blocking my view. _What if she's not the one awake? What if it's Heather, or Tess … Or Evan? _

Really none of that matters as I have to see she's ok. I finish crossing the room and am simultaneously filled with relief and anxiousness. She is laying very still, eyes staring unseeing at the ceiling. She has a bandage on her face; her left arm is strapped down to her chest. I can faintly see the outline of the ace wraps around her rib cage. And the bulky cast enclosing her right ankle is glaringly obvious.

I move to the foot of her bed and grab her chart. I look carefully through the notations. MVA jumps out at me first, followed by the notation that she has been put on Klonopin. _Why was she given anti-anxiety medication?_

She looks at me, and her heart races. A very impressive feat seeing how much Klonopin she's been given. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears; he breathing is labored, probably due to the broken ribs. And I see fear written clearly across her face. _But fear of what? Fear of me? Fear I will lose control? … Fear I will leave?_

Her eyes slant to her sleeping sister and back to me, as if in warning, as if I was unaware of the sleeping girl to Cat's left.

(3RD PERSON POV)

"What Happened?"

"You're out?"

Simultaneously they had spoken, but emotionally they couldn't have been more out of sync. Vincent was anxious, harsh, demanding, and worried. Catherine was tentative, soft, hopeful, and relieved.

Vincent closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I needed to see you were ok, find out what happened. Then I have to go back … in. We haven't made any progress on my …. situation."

"So if I keep my mouth shut you'll stay with me?"

Catherine knew he would have learned enough from her chart to know whether or not she'd be fine, but emotionally she was a wreck. Emotionally she needed him yoked to her bed side. And she would use any ploy available to her to make it happen.

Vincent shot her a look making it clear that if she thought she was being cute he didn't agree.

Catherine knew she was being coy. Catherine knew from experience that when positions had been reversed she had been furious with Vincent for downplaying his health issues. But she couldn't help trying to satisfy her need for him. "I don't want you to leave." Shamed Catherine looked down at her wringing hands "I need you to stay here with me. I know I'm being selfish but …. Please"

Catherine looked up and made eye contact with Vincent again. Love and desperation shone so brightly from Catherine's eyes Vincent almost shielded his for fear of being blinded. "Stay"

She had never thought of herself as having a fear of abandonment. But finding Vincent had begun healing a wound inflicted on her when her mother died. The thought of losing him now had picked the newly formed scab clean off leaving her bleeding and afraid.

Silently Vincent pulled another chair over to Catherine's bed side and sat down. "Sleep" he said firmly practically impersonating the drill sergeants that he had gone through basic under.

Catherine was more than happy to oblige him, with one condition. Slowly, timidly she reached her arm out sliding her open hand, palm up closer to Vincent. Hoping he'd understand. Vincent began lowering his head and Catherine felt two things simultaneously. First the weight of Vincent's head resting on her thigh and secondly his hand sliding over hers gripping it tightly easing the last of her tension.

Vincent showing her this tiny display of affection allows Catherine to finally fall into a deep sleep.

Vincent finally showing her this tiny display of affection allows him the freedom to release the tears he had been beating back with all his beastly strength.


	2. Chapter 2

I kept my head motionless resting on her thigh until her breathing assured me she was asleep. For the first time in days my mind was clear of all thoughts. I was consumed purely by emotions. Fear -lingering from my worries. Relief-because ultimately she was going to be fine, she was going to recover. Happiness – stemming from the selfish pleasure I derived from her obvious need for my company. But ultimately I was consumed by my complete and total devotion to her.

I lost track of time, her steady breathing eventually put me into a trance. It was this trance that had all my senses muted and that was why Heather caught me off guard.

"Ummm Hello?" I heard her say hesitantly.

I squeezed my eyes closed as tight as possible. If only I wasn't so dumb for this woman. If only the mere sound of her breathing hadn't drown out all higher thought. If only the idea of her hurt hadn't overruled my self-preservation instincts.

I look up into Heathers familiar face and smile. I can tell by the changes in her heart rate she finds my smile alluring, and for a second I hope that this will save me from any further questioning. But I can also tell by the look on her face that my smile doesn't erase her curiosity.

"Hello" I say dropping my head to stare at the blanket covering Catherine's body. While my mind is working overtime to come up with an out for both me and Catherine I hear her ask …

"Who are you?"

Well if that isn't the 64 thousand dollar question, I think bitterly. Am I Vincent Keller doctor, brother, son, friend? Am I Vincent Keller, soldier, experiment, abomination, corpse? I wonder if the look on my face has turned as dark as my thoughts because when I finally look up Heater's expression has changed from curious to nervous.

"Seriously, dude your freaking me out. This is my sister, your holding her hand … Crying at her hospital bedside? Who are you?"

"Sorry, I'm a friend. Catherine's friend. Um we meet on a case a few months back and she's been helping me … "It wasn't a total lie and I was used to downplaying my feelings for Catherine so it spilled naturally from my mouth. And the sparks of truth in the statement must have been convincing enough because Heather's face though still skeptical was no longer fearful.

"Oh Kay, well that's all good but your name is …."

Suddenly a murmured moan left Catherine's lips "Vincent"

Heather was staring at her still sleeping sister dumb founded. I on the other hand was wrestling with the face splitting smile threatening me. I hadn't felt like smiling this big or this much since the morning of Catherine's birthday. I gripped her hand a little tighter hoping whatever dream she was having was pleasant.

Heather looked at me, probably seeing my smile and looked confused, still skeptical but also happy. "So … Vincent?"

"Yea."

"Friend?"

"Yea." Every time I tell this lie I think part of my hope that one day I'll be able to tell the truth dies.

"My Ass."

"I'm Sorry" I cough. I can't believe she just said that. Well I can. I basically got the same response from Catherine the first time we meet. Heather would be just as forthright in her approach to questioning as Catherine is, but I was not really ready to deal with any questions. "I think it's getting late. I guess I'll just go."

"What? Why?"

I stand to leave perfectly happy to ignore her questions. Especially seeing as how dead men are supposed to tell no tales and all that, right? I drop Catherine's hand and walk out the door. I can see from the clock on the wall it's almost 3 am. Time to get back to my cage I think as I make it down the hallway to the emergency stairs.

I'm half way to the stairwell before I hear Catherine's heart rate begin racing. There is hundreds of hearts beating around me, but I'm tuned into hers like it is my own. I pause in front of the emergency stairs and wait.

I can hear her quickened heart beat, her erratic breathing and her moaned mumbling. I can hear her say my name again but this time it does not have the same satisfied dreamy tone. She is desperate and she is afraid.

I rush back to her room, but I wait right outside the door. I'm nervous. I want to go in, but it's not that simple now that I've had the pleasure of meeting Heather face to face. Standing there I eave drop, waiting to see if I'm needed; ever the stalker – ever her protector.

"Sis … Sis, Cat!"

"Ummm … He –ather uh ummm"

"You were having a bad dream. I was worried. You ok?"

"Yea."

"He left."

"Oh. Umm – I mean who left? … Was someone else here?" The disappointment I hear in the 'oh' makes my heart race, just a bit.

"God, is that what you and Vincent bonded over your inability to lie?"

"…."

"Cat, Oh my god. Breathe! Cat are you ok. Oh god where's the remote! Where's the call button."

I am about to rip through the door when I hear Catherine speak.

"No! … Sorry I was just … Vincent's really skittish. I'm surprised he was here, and surprised you meet him. That's all. I'm fine."

"God, Cat you can't do that to me! The doctor said you've had two panic attacks since you got here – and that's only been what … 7 hours. What is happening to you?"

I don't hear anything for a couple minutes. Selfishly I hope that Catherine answers her sister's question therefore satisfying my own curiosity. I know I should leave. I know that eave droppers never hear anything good, but my feet are rooted to the floor.

"So … who is this dream boat I chased off tonight?"

"I meet him on a case; he was a victim now he's a friend"

"You like him."

"Of course I do, he's my friend, Heather." I allowed myself to hope against hope that Catherine is lying, just like I was when i answered.

"No, this is not friendship. I got the same line from him believe me. But whatever Kool-Aid you both are drinking – lay off. Cat, he was more worried than any 'friend' would be. He was clinging to you like like like … Oh hell I don't know but it was more than friendly." I knew what I was clinging to her like. I was clinging to her like she was the only light that had penetrated the darkness of my life. And I did this because over the last nine years she had become just that.

"Sis as sweet as this heart to heart is, it's late. I'm tired and I just want to close my eyes again and go back to sleep."

"Alright, But you both are either liars, blind, or stupid." Liars! My heart screams, but ruthlessly my mind clamps down on this trying to reign in hope from swelling any further.

Next thing I know the door swings open and I step quickly out of the way. Heather looks up at me startled, but unsurprised. "Go sit with her." She says not pausing as she walks right past me on the way to the elevator.

I still haven't been able to process the last 20 minutes, but much like my body obeys Catherine I precede mindlessly back into the hospital room where Heather has directed me to go. Our eyes lock the minute I round the curtain. I can see guilt and insecurity on her face and it stabs me in the heart.

Wordlessly I close the distance between us and lean down and kiss both her eyelids. The electricity that always surrounds us intensifying as it runs in a current between my lips and my heart. If I wasn't leaning over her hospital bed, I wouldn't have stopped with her eyelids … the minute my lips touch her skin I felt the beast betray me.

I sit down on the bed. My body made unsteady by the power of my desire for Catherine and the beast. My hand reaches out of its own volition to cup her face. "Sleep" I whisper. Praying she will listen not just for her own heath but also to allow me a little silence to process the earth shattering last 20 minutes.

I can see the doubt lingering in her eyes. "I will stay till first light. But please rest. We can deal with everything later, I promise." Finally convinced I see her eyes droop.

"Hold me" She whispers, and I lock eyes with her again. I have not been this terrified since she first walked into my loft months back. I'm so big, she's hurt and this bed is so small. Not to mention that my recent lack of control was brought back to the forefront of my mind now that the beast has stirred inside me. I want to voice all these objections along with the fear that if I do hold her I won't be able to let her go come dawn. I open my mouth to do so, but I see a tear trickle down her cheek and my vocal abilities fail.

I walk to the other side of her bed to her unhurt arm and lay on my side. I slide one foot under her cast elevating her hurt ankle, I slide one arm under her neck allowing her to bury her face in my shoulder and finally I slide my other arm low across her stomach my hand gently grasping her hip. My every movement done as gently as possible. I was so afraid while shifting her that I didn't allow my body to truly feel her next to me till she was situated. But once she is comfortable and drifting somewhere between awake and sleep I allow myself to just feel her.

Nothing has ever felt like this. I'm in no way an innocent. The old Vincent Keller had known how attractive he was and had used that fact to lure more than one woman to his bed. The old Vincent Keller had even believed he'd been in love. But laying here now with this woman, this beauty in my arms all I can think is no way and nowhere had anyone ever felt as right lying next to me as Catherine did.

I'd come to the same conclusion many times over the last ten year and this moment cemented a belief I'd been coming to for a very long time now. The old Vincent Keller was an idiot, and if his idiocy had gotten me to this moment I couldn't wish he'd been any different.

I know Vincent got a little schizophrenic towards the end, but let's face it he is a bit shattered. Hope you like it!


	3. Chapter 3

(CPOV)

When I began to wake up I remained silent and still. Trying to prolong and enjoy the feel of Vincent so close to me. I'd fallen asleep so quickly I hadn't really had the presence of mind to appreciate how I felt.

I felt cocooned. I felt safe. I felt cherished. It had been a while since I'd allowed another person into my bed –even if this was my hospital bed- but I'd forgotten how great it felt just to be held.

My mind kicks me; reminds me that if it wasn't Vincent I was wrapped up in it probably wouldn't feel as good. Almost as if to prove the point my mind went back to the kiss with Evan. A kiss that felt good in the moment, but so wrong in retrospect. Sure I'd flirted with Evan. I'd have even contemplated Evan as a potential boyfriend before I had meet Vincent.

My musings are circumvented when I feel Vincent lower his head and run his lips gently across the top of my head. Back and forth it almost felt like he was testing the texture of my hair.

I hear him inhale deeply before he whispers "Morning".

I'd thought I was doing a descent job of hiding the fact that I was awake… It was probably really dumb to think I could hide from Vincent.

"No. Shhh still sleeping." I mumble and do the best I can to snuggle deeper into Vincent's warmth. I feel him sigh and tighten his hold on me momentarily before beginning to pull away.

Without thinking I reach for him with my bad arm and feel a sharp sting in my shoulder. The pain running through my arm causes me to shut my eyes and moan lowly. Instantly upon hearing my moan Vincent is restraining my arm.

With my eyes still squeezed tightly I feel him run his hand gently over my upper arm and shoulder assessing if I did any further damage. I open my eyes and his face is millimeters from mine. His eyes are flicking from my face to my arm and back repeatedly.

"Catherine." He rebukes me. For a second I can imagine what he must have been like as a doctor, commanding but compassionate.

Now that he's no longer trapping my good arm I take a hold of his shirt and pull. My intentions were to bring his lips to mine. To feel them on mine if only for a split second, but he must have anticipated this because pull as I might he doesn't budge. In fact he eased away from me.

"It's 6. The nurses should be coming to take your vitals any second. I've already been caught here once …"

I understand what he's saying and that he has to leave. I understand what I did last night exposing him to my sister. I know what the risks are to any further exposure. I don't want to hurt him.

"I know it's been forever but usually if I share a bed with a guy, I at least get a kiss good morning – a kiss goodbye?" This is as dirty a ploy as all my others in the last 6 hours, but the part of my brain that filters what comes out of my mouth must have been damaged in the accident. I don't have any other excuse.

He stares at me. I can't comprehend what his face is trying to convey, but he isn't leaning in to kiss me. I can't read his eye's like I normally can and this makes the silence stretching between us deafening. I am trying to understand the look he is giving me, but suddenly I feel this wave of rejection crash against me stopping me from doing any thinking.

VPOV)

My brain is having a hard time processing the range of emotions flitting through me at the moment.

I'm ecstatic to know that she wants a kiss from me. I'm ecstatic to know it's been a while since anyone has shared her bed. I'm terrified that if I kiss her I'll black out. I'm terrified that if I kiss her I won't want to stop.

So basically I'm terrified/ecstatic I'll –how did she put it – swan dive so far off the cliff …?

I lean down and place my lips on both her checks, both her eye lids the center of her forehead and finally the top of her head. All my kisses are ghosts of a caress. The pressure so light that only the tears' welling in her eyes assures me she felt them.

I put my hand on her check and let my thumb wander over her bottom lip. "If I truly do lose control just thinking of you, or being near you I don't want to test fate. We've been lucky I made it through these last few hours."

She looks like she wants to argue, but this is one thing I won't cave on. "Please, Catherine. One thing we are certain of is when my heart rate increases I lose control. My heart has already pushed super soldier speeds tonight … I've managed to stay in control!"

She nods, but looks so dejected I can't help myself. "It's not a no- never Catherine. It's a no- not now, not like this, not with all these risks."

I see her nod and mouth I know, but I never hear the words. I try one last time to erase the rejection I recognize on her face. I'm terrified of admitting how deep my affection for her runs but she has placed herself out there asking for a kiss. I can't leave her out there by her self.

"Besides, I've thought about kissing you for a long time. Probably longer then I'd like to admit. Some days my dreams of you were the only good parts. And in all those dreams I was able to take you in my arms. I can't do that here and now. Please Catherine – I don't have much to look forward to in my life."

She smiles softly in response. I take that to mean I won't get anymore arguments and disappear quickly.

(CPOV)

I blink and he is gone but despite his exit I'm content. I'd had doubts, nagging suspicions that I was alone in my feelings - in my hopes for something more then friendship with Vincent.

I'd always assumed that his fear of the beast had killed any thoughts of physical interaction. Sure he had danced around the fact that he had more than 'friendly' feelings for me. He worried about his worthiness, my ability to live a life outside of the warehouse, he was even jealous of Evan.

Still I'd always had doubts because I was always the one to touch him. He had always been so utilitarian with any contact he initiated. Unless a subway train was barreling down on me or he was pulling me into the shadows to discuss a case he didn't touch me. Unlike me – who touched him to comfort him, or me, or both of us. He had stopped shying away from my touch a while back, but before tonight he'd never been so liberal with his own.

I closed my eyes and started to drift back to sleep. There was a lot left to worry about. Between the black out's, Heather's exposure to Vincent, and the ever present Murfield I should –like JT- be developing an ulcer. But instead I decided to hold on to the warmth Vincent's actions and words had brought me.

I committed to leaving the stress and the worrying for later - when Heather came back and drifted off into a pleasant slumber.

(V POV)

I lay in my bed listening to JT get ready for work. I know I should be terrified. Heather saw me last night. I gave her my name. She suspected I had a relationship with Catherine. _Well, of course she did she caught me sitting at her bed side gripping her hand and crying for Pete's sake_. I just couldn't work up the anxiety or fear I knew should be gripping me.

This is why I'm not in the cage like I should be I tell myself. This is why I'm avoiding talking to JT. I need to work up the right emotions. If I go to JT with the smile I know I'm wearing and tell him I've put us in more danger he will traq my ass again and being in that cage won't be my choice anymore.

"Vincent!"

I debate briefly pretending not to hear him, but quickly dismiss that idea. He'd never buy it, and he's too good a friend to lie to so blatantly.

I get up and make my way down the stairs. I can tell by the look on JT's face as I reach the bottom that as hard as I tried I failed at wiping the smile off of my face.

I walk toward the cage without saying a word to JT. I start chaining myself in, but keep my mouth shut. I know he's dying to know what's been going on the last 9 hours. I'll tell him when he gets home, but for now I just want to keep this to myself. Savor the happiness while I can.


	4. Chapter 4

I sat on the floor of my cell, thinking about the last 48 hours of my life. I had been terrified I'd killed a man and I had let that fear convince me to be honest with Catherine about my blackout's. Thankfully she had been able to give us the information we needed to ultimately clear me - at least of murdering the Frat boy.

But ultimately confessing had caused my first vacation in 11 years to be unceremoniously cancelled. I had so selfishly been devastated by the cancellation of our ill fated camping trip. I smiled remembering how happy and excited I had been while getting ready for that trip. And when I sat across from her waiting to hear if I had killed yet another human being all I could think about was how maybe we could still manage to finagle the trip in despite my mental instability.

But the relief of my innoscence was short lived. When Catherine came screeching into the warehouse concerned about Evan I am ashamed to admit that a large part of me - more than just the beast - had agreed with JT about the absurdity of me helping the man who was a large obstacle to my future with Catherine. She had assured me that he was nothing more then a colleague multiple times, but in my mind things just were not that cut and dry. I had been 'checking in on her' often enough over the last few years to know they were bordering on more than colleagues and that if I hadn't made my impeccably timed entrance into her world! Evan may have made her happy.

Ultimately, I knew I was complicating everything for her but I couldn't walk away. I was just to human to leave her alone so she could find the uncomplicated life she deserved with someone like Evan. Ironic coming from me - the beast.

When I had gone into the tunnels with Catherine I had been more conflicted than ever. I was afraid of what could happen - true, but just as I always had been I was exhilarated to be alone with Catherine. Hell even with a train barreling down on us - threatening to shred us both, my mind had been solely focused on how my body enveloped her's. My large frame dwarfing her's allowing me to tuck her into my body, allowing me to use my own frame as a shield for her's Thank god she had been so frightened or she might have noticed how exciting I had found that situation.

I would always marvel at how my body was tuned into hers, and how inappropriate my body's responses often were ...

When I had felt the blackout coming I had never been so terrified in my life. Well at least until she had refused to take the gun than I'd reached a level of terrified I didn't even know existed. I had done a lot in my short life to feel guilty over, but guilt would not even begin to describe what I would feel had I done anything to hurt Catherine.

I didn't want to admit how right JT had been when he confronted Catherine about the tunnel incident. She had had the power to save me a world of guilt and pain. Evil as anyone was I didn't need their soul weighing on my conscience. No atrocity committed justified being torn apart the way the beast does it. And no justifications wiped My hands clean of the blood the beast had shed, and all the blood would forever weigh on me. She could have saved me one layer of grime, one reason for my guilt but she had chosen Evan over me.

I just couldn't help but wish her actions that night in the tunnel would have been more in line with what I'd learned last night. Her behavior last night had assured me that I was important to her. She had been so needy for me I felt secure in my new assumption that she cared a great deal for me. I hoped in the same way I cared for her - and if her not to subtle requests for a kiss proved anything she did. Still her behavior in the tunnel had painted a very different picture.

I couldn't blame her for being torn. She was desperately trying to make living in two very different worlds work - and I could understand feeling fragmented. I could sympathize with knowing that what is best and what is safe does not coinciding with what you want - what you can't live without.

I hear JT approaching the front door and ready myself for the unavoidable conversation. It was time to tell him of Catherine's accident and of my exposure to Heather - ultimately it was time to confess the further danger I had placed all of us in.

As JT slides the outer door open I preëmpt him from speaking. "Have a beer. Then we will talk"

(CPOV)

I finally wake feeling rested a few hours later. I missed Vincent, but I could tell before I even opened my eyes that I would not be lonely today. I could hear Tess and Heather debating my recent mood swings.

"I think she has it bad for Evan, and just can't admit it." Tess says

"Why do you think that?"

"They had been doing some pretty heavy flirting, then they went to the engagement party together, and then boom all the flirting basically stopped."

"This is your evidence she is into him? They went out and then suddenly stopped flirting. "

" Okay they didn't stop all together but it got toned way down from what it was."

"Again not getting your point.

"You know Cat. She's not always the most forth right. Especially with the personal stuff. I think they hit it off, started seeing each other but are trying to hide it."

" I don't think your far off on your theory. I just think you got the wrong guy."

I realize where Heather is going with this and try to intercede "I wish I could sleep but this ringing in my ears just won't stop." I snark slanting my glance to the hen's beside me.

"Sorry sis. Tess here was just explaining how bi polar you have been lately at work. One minute giddy and smiling the next slamming filing cabinet doors. She thinks you are secretly dating someone but I disagree."

I start to panic. She is going to bring up Vincent. She's going to mention he was a victim. Tess will put it together or I'll have twice the lying to do in the future. Either way this can not happen.

"I think you are ..."

"Tess," I interrupt Heather "can you go see if there is a decent coffee machine around somewhere?"

Both Heather and Tess look at me like I've lost my freaking mind "Please?" I plead and without another word up she goes shaking her head and going on about Bi Polar symptoms.

"Cat? What is wrong ..."

"Heather! You can not go around gossiping about me behind my back."

"Well technically I was sitting right in front of you. And last time I checked talking about your life with your BEST FRIEND and SISTER is not gossiping. Besides Tess thinks you are secretly dating Evan - I was just going today that once you and Vin

"That! Right there. You don't know anything withy Vincent" My anger had completely dissipated by the time I got to his name mostly due to the hurt and hocked look on Heather's face I was so tired of lying and with everything going on lately I just didn't have it in me anymore. I start softer this time hoping my earlier yelling could be ignored "Please Heather. I don"t really know what is going on with me ... me and Vincent - HONEST. But till I do, I don't want to really open it up to scrutinizing.

"Fine." Heather looks sorry, but satisfied at the same time. "If you don't want Vincent to be griss on the work gossip mill I understand, but ... can we talk about him? Because he is soooo cute. Are you bringing him to the wedding?"

"Heather" I start and I flinch at the exhaustion in my tone but Tess walks back in saving me. I don"t know how long I'm going to be able to really keep Heather at bay. I need to be able to talk to Vincent - I need him to tell me what to do about her before I go somewhere he doesn't want me to.

(VPOV)

"Alright I'm opening my second beer -why am I doing this again Vincent it's 11:30 in the morning." JT is starting to get frustrated with my avoidance

"Catherine got into a car accident leaving here last night." I stare at JT. Trying to gauge his reaction. Thankfully he does look concerned for Catherine. This is a good sign. Maybe he'll understand how I could have been so stupid.

"Is she ok?"

"Mostly, she was pretty banged up but everything will heal. I am not 100% sure how she got into the accident but I overheard she had been having panic attacks, and her chart said she was on kolonpin. "

"Panic attacks are manageable,Vincent. You know this. Why am I drinking, this I still the big question?" For my own safety I think.

"Heather saw me, She knows my name."

"What the hell Vincent! How am I the only person that understands that a guy with a death certificate cannot make new friends." I think I may have just ruptured that ulcer that he has been so consistently complaining about.

"I am sorry JT. I have no excuses. But I think it will be ok."

"Yea? Really?". There is the vein in his forehead. Obviously downplaying this is not going to work.

"Yea" that didn't help I think as I watch JT takes a swig of his beer. I can tell he is gearing up to let me have it. I don't intervene mostly because I deserve it.

"Have you finally lost it? Ignore my obviously pointless arguments for your own safety - you gave up caring about that the minute Catherine said hi in that purple dress. What about this Heather's safety?"

"She won't be at risk. Catherine and I will come up with something plausible and Heather will never set eyes on me again. I left everything very vague with Heather."

JT doesn't respond again. He just walks off downing what's left of his beer in one gulp.


	5. Chapter 5

(VPOV)

As I walked through the familiar halls of St. Luke's towards Catherine's room I was simultaneously excited and dreading our impending conversation.

I had missed her – like I do every day, but today had seemed different. The day wasn'tas angst riddled as normal. Sure I'd been worried about JT, her, and my black out's but there had been a calmness to my thoughts. I had grown so used to the racing thoughts normally produced by any length of time spent thinking about a 'cure' that today my thoughts seemed to move at an almost glacial pace. It had been actually quite refreshing almost rejuvenating.

As I approached Catherine's door I paused trying to discern separate heart beats. I was picking up two so I listened trying to see if I would recognize who they were before approaching.

(CPOV)

"Heather! For the last time I am not willing to dissect every last facial twitch of your brief conversation with Vincent. If fact, YOU promised until I brought it up there would be no talk about Vincent." Can she tell I'm lying, I wonder as I put on my best annoyed face and huff at her. Truthfully, I want her to keep going – to keep telling me exactly how Vincent had been – had looked – had held me, but this wasn't safe. Not for Heather, not for my heart, and not for Vincent's health.

"Na – uh, I said I would keep Vincent between us. No Tess, no Evan, no dad, no Brooke, no Josh. I did not say WE could not discuss the broodingly hot Vincent." For a second I'm tempted. It's been so long since I had a reason to engage in girl talk that I hadn't even realized how much I miss it.

"Heather! He's my friend. I'm not going to sit here and discuss my friend's physical features with you." I wonder if that's because I don't want to spend to much time lingering on them myself. Vincent was a distracting specimen physically and if I allowed my hormones to take me down that path this conversation with Heather would only get more uncomfortable.

"Caaat! If I had a friend with physical features like that – he'd have all the benefits he could handle, and I'd talk to you about it. In fact you'd probably have to beg me to stop talking about it." For a brief second an extremely irrational jealousy rears forward at the thought of Heather sharing these 'benefits' with Vincent, but I quickly squash it. This is Heather I'm talking to after all.

"I'm begging you now ..." I moan closing my eyes and sighing heavenly. The guilt was starting to rear its ugly head again and along with it were all the admittedly exaggerated scenarios of what could come to pass now that I had exposed Vincent. If anything ever happened to him because I was too selfish to sleep alone last night, I would never forgive myself.

(VPOV)

I shook my head at the sisters. As it turns out the Keller brothers would have had a lot in common with the darling Chandler sisters. They were behaving as me and my siblings behaved. Bickering, good natured ribbing, and no one ever knowing when to say die.

I hear a phone buzz and foot steps approach the door of Catherine's room.

"Don't think this is done! Hey Josh" I hear as the door swings open and Heather materializes in the hall way. "Hold on – service sucks in the hospital I'm gonna go to the Starbucks around the corner and call you right back."

As soon as Heather has cleared the floor I come out of the shadows and head back towards Catherine's room.

"So broodingly hot?" I question as I round the corner and come face to face with Catherine. I know I have a ridiculous grin on my face, but despite all the reasons I shouldn't have I had a spectacular day.

She sighs at me. "I was hoping you'd come. My sister is hovering somewhere close though so you might - "

"No I watched her head to Starbucks" I interrupt.

"Oh - ok." Catherine looks down at her lap avoiding my gaze and I take the opportunity to grab her chart and check for any new notes.

"They've taken you off the kolonopin. That's good." I mutter while reading over the rest of the new notes to her chart. I had yet to really broach the topic of her car accident yet but I knew I had to eventually.

"When was your last panic attack?"

"After everything with Heather I was afraid you wouldn't come back."

We both spoke at the same time and this starts a round robin of nervous laughing, though I notice she is yet to look at me again..

Once our laughter dies down I stare at her waiting for her response. She shifts, and glances up at me. But before I can hold her eyes her gaze shifts down to her lap again. I glance down checking her lap – making sure that whatever has captured her attention so completely isn't actually her lap.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary I decided it's not her lap that is fascinating – she is trying to avoid making eye contact. It feels like not that long ago when the situation had been reversed; when I had sat gazing downward refusing to meet her intractable gaze. But I had been nervous that first night – Catherine doesn't get nervous. What could be going on in her head?

Uncharacteristically I start to get seriously annoyed so I sit beside her on the bed. Before she can shift away I grasp her chin and gently tip her face back so she has little choice but to look me in the eye.

"What is it Catherine" Her face looks almost repentant but the look in her eye is slightly akin to an animal in a cage – and I wonder if the doctors should have taken her the kolonopin after all.

"This is all my fault and I'm freaking out. I mean I woke up this morning – with you and felt peaceful and happy but then Tess and Heather … I'm so sorry! I don't know what to do about this."

Well that explains the look in her eyes, she thinks I'm pissed. I should be pissed – JT is pissed. "Catherine, we will sort this out."

"I don't have much time I shouldn't even be out of the warehouse. JT is going to panic ifwhen he notices I'm gone. I just wanted to check in with you."

"You're not still in that cage are you?" I can see the tears forming in her eye's as she asks and this bothers me more then I thought it would.

"We've discussed this. I'm being reckless enough by being this close to you. The cage is the safest place for me right now." I can practically hear JT chastising me. And yet here you are. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep putting JT, and Catherine and now Heather in danger. I have to buckle down; I have to focus on these blackouts.

Catherine I think grows more uncomfortable with my silence and changes the subject.

"I talked to Joe today. I have two options – desk duty or sick leave." A silently breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was always concerned about her safety and I had been hyper concerned that Catherine would be unprotected while I was on lock down. Not that she can't protect herself - I think suddenly- forcing me to chuckle to myself.

Catherine's eyebrows draw together in confusion as a result of my abrupt good humor. Should I explain to her that even in my private thoughts I am conceding to Catherine's presumed objections to my batman-ish behavior. Nah …

"What do you want to do?" I ask before I get any further lost in my own head.

"I have almost three weeks in reserve, but I honestly I don't know if I can just sit around the house like that …" I can tell she doesn't want to take the time. She has always been a workaholic and as much as I'd love her to do nothing but hide in her apartment till I'm better – I know she's incapable of sitting still that long.

"Maybe you could help us a little? JT and I – that is. We planned on inducing blackouts - if the synthetic hormones don't work we could always try the real thing." Having her anywhere near me when I'm out of control terrifies me, but not as much as having her working on cases when I'm out of commission.

"Really?" Her shocked expression tickles me. Reminding me of when we made the ill fated birthday plans.

I take a second and weigh my choices again. There was no way I could protect her from all danger, even if I was batman. But I know Catherine and even on desk duty she would get involved in cases. She could talk Tess and Evan into crazy stunts when she wasperfectly healthy – add bruises and sympathy and Catherine would be up to her cracked ribs in danger long before she was 100% better. But was sitting in a warehouse with an out of control monster really any safer then working? Was the reassurance of being able to keep a literal eye on her worth the risk to her own safety?

"I'm not as convinced anymore that you're the cause – but I can't rule it out. I want to try the synthetics first but maybe – if it doesn't work, you could come help." I concede. Ultimately, I'm a selfish beast and want her near.

"I want to help." She whispered searching out my eyes with hers. I could tell this was the first statement she'd made she was confident in since I entered her hospital room.

Her skittishness this afternoon was unsettling to me. Last night and this morning she had been bold, bordering on cocky and now she sat here timid as a school girl. Could it really just be her fear of his exposure to Heather?

"We'll see – in the mean time you need to rest." I needed to go. I needed to leave this room before her sister came back; before a doctor came in; before I over thought her peculiar behavior to the point of insanity. "I'll see you in a couple days ok?"

"Days?" Her vopice broke and there was that caged animal look again …..

"I'll keep my promise – no more then a week. But I'm not making any new promises." She looked disappointed. I didn't enjoy the fact that I had memorized the current look on her face, I just hope she realizes that. I couldn't help but feel like this was how all ourinteractions had been. She was always asking me for something I wanted to give but ultimately shouldn't.

I heard my burner vibrate and I knew it was JT. I knew it was shady to have left the minute he did and now not being back before him just made me look stupid to boot.

"I'm on my way – nothing happened and it won't happen again." I said in way of greeting and hung up without waiting for a response. Perhaps this was not fair to JT but I had to say good bye to Catherine and my resolve weakened the more I prolonged it.

I stood up from my seat on her bed and gazed down at her. She was very beautiful, and not even the harsh surroundings or recent bruises could detract from that.

I reached down and placed my hand on the side of her neck, allowing my thumb to stroke her check softly. I could feel her pulse beating against my palm and the reassurance of its steady pace gave me the final boost I needed. Leaning down I placed my lips on her forehead and lingered. Kissing her softly I inhaled her scent. Breathing her in andstoring the sensory information for later.

When I pulled my lips from her skin I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile before removing my hand and walking away. I could concentrate on fixing myself now- I knew Catherine would be ok.


End file.
